Top teeth are here

So T's top teeth appeared this week. I first noticed it on Monday but it may have popped over the weekend. He has been a little fussy/clingy for the past week so I know it may have been bothering him.
He is saying Mama a lot more recently and constantly mimicking us which is hilarious. He has about four tricks that GT and I find really cute. First he kisses. He kisses all the time and knows it gets our attention. We love it. I think we overwhelmed him with so many kisses this year that he thinks that is just another word in our vocabulary. Sometimes T goes up to strangers and gives them kisses. It is very cute. Second T will look away for a second and close his eyes and then look back at you for a game of peek-a-boo. He does peek-a-boo with the shower curtain and other things as well. Third he will look at you and then close his eyes tight and then open again. It is really funny. Finally he will wave. He did all of these things in succession this morning when GT went to get him out of bed. I think he knows these are all cute tricks.
He has also started to let me know that he is not happy when I go to work. He will lift up his arms and whine a little when I try to leave. It is sad but also nice to know that I am his favorite. This can be good or bad however. Sometimes when I am home alone with him all he wants me to do is hold him and carry him around everywhere I go. He is also scared of the vacuum which means I have to carry him in one arm and push with the other. I don't mind that much because I love to cuddle my monkey. I try to remind myself that eventually he won't want to cuddle and so I should savor those moments now. He recently started to love to cuddle right before bed while I read him a story. Instead of grabbing the book and trying to eat it. He listens to the story and looks at the pictures in the book all while cuddling me and sucking on his lovey. I think he likes this little wind down routine. The other night GT tried to put him to bed while I was in the next room. GT put him down in his crib and he got right up and started crying. I went in there read him a short story, cuddled him for a minute and then put him down and he went right to sleep. It is nice to know that babies love their mommies.

So much not blogged about

I know I have few readers at this point (it has been 5 months since I blogged!) but I wanted to write down a few things that have happened in T's development. I keep saying that the 1st 6 months are for growing and the next 6 months are about development. After a sad few months of severe sleep deprivation we went to the Dr. who told me to try some formula. Something I had been contemplating for a few weeks but was reluctant to do because I was worried about my supply. This visit alleviated some concerns because the Dr. felt my supply may be poor anyway due to my sleep deprivation. We started T on formula that night. It helped some and he seemed to sleep a little better every night after that. After about a month we switched to Earth's Best Organic Formula and that was the first night ever that T slept through the night. There is definitely something to formula keeping baby's tummy's full. I also went back to work so T was getting more and more bottles. My supply was dwindling due to all the pumping and eventually I decided to feed him formula during the day and breastfeed him while we were together. T decided he liked bottles more than breastfeeding so I stopped breastfeeding during the day and only continued at night. Then he started to bite me in the middle of the night. I am sure he bits his bottles but they don't shout. He got really upset at night after I yelled in pain after he bit me. That eventually ended our breastfeeding relationship. I know T basically weaned himself. He wasn't that interested in breastfeeding by the end. Bottles were much easier for him and he probably got more to eat since he could stop drinking when distracted and then go back for more. I was also able to tell how much he was eating which made me happy. Some days I am sad that we ended this relationship so early and other parts of me are happier. GT and I can switch off night feedings, I don't have to worry about always being home for him to eat, I can always tell how much he is getting, and he seems to be happy. When we went to his 9 month appointment he had fallen off his growth curve into the 8th percentile for weight (although 93rd for height)and I didn't have to beat myself up because I didn't think I wasn't producing enough milk. Some days I look at my breastfeeding friends and I get a little sad and envy their relationship with their babies. I once told this to one of my mom friends and she said "but you are both so much happier now." I think about that whenever I get a little sad because it is true. We are both so much happier and it is obvious to all of those people around us. We have a better relationship now then we did when we were all sleep deprived and stressed.

So trying to remember T's firsts so that I can have a record of them!
First tooth-popped a few days before his 6 month b-day
Second tooth appeared approximately one month later
Top teeth are almost here.

Sitting without support- he could sit a little by 6.5 months but really got the hang of it by 7 months
Pulling up-8 months. He would stand almost all of his waking hours and play on his musical table
Cruising-8 months. He loved to walk on the edges of the couch.
Crawling-9 months. I never thought he would crawl. He had all the skills he needed to crawl but would just cry when he ended up on his tummy. He ended up going to his babysitters house on 7/19/10 because we were having the windows in our house replaced. He came home that night and GT and I both saw him move one knee in front of the other while on his belly. While T had been at his babysitters her baby (who is 3 days younger and had been crawling for a couple of months)was crawling all over the house. T must have watched him and figured out what needed to be done. This is similar to what happened when his older cousin came to visit in June. T watched Toby walk around and stand up and by the time they left that was all he wanted to do. Babies do learn by observation. It is pretty neat to watch.

Right after T learned to crawl we went to Alabama. He met many many new people and was held by a lot of strangers. For the first time T became very clingy. He also said Mama for the first time. When he was stressed he would crawl towards me going Ma ma ma ma ma or if I was in the room and someone else was holding him he would do the same thing. It was nice to hear him say my name! Since we have returned he has not said Mama again! At least I know he can say it though!

Unfortunately T still has some noise sensitivity issues. He definitely doesn't like other babies to cry or shout. It upsets him and he will begin to cry. He doesn't like loud noises (even the kind he makes on his own). He doesn't really like to bang spoons and pots and pans which I have seen plenty of other babies his age do. When other baby's cry or make a lot of noise he always looks to me for assurance and if he is really tired or it is really loud he cries. It can be difficult sometimes but it just clues me into T's personality. I think he is a sensitive little guy who is going to grow up into a caring empathetic person. He seems tuned into others. I have to remember this when I get frustrated or stressed! He definitely picks up on these vibes and reacts. When I am happy and excited he also seems to pick up on this. It has been exciting to see his little personality emerge.

There is so much that I want to remember from this first year (and it has almost been one whole year!) and I am sad that I didn't write much of it down (which was the whole point of this blog) but I am glad that I could at least get some of it down. Already I have forgotten so much about what happened those first few months. GT likes to remind me. I am having so much fun being a mom. While it is probably the hardest job I have ever done I am probably happier overall then I have ever been and that is all that matters.

What haven't we tried

Below is the document that we decided to make in order to be prepared for T's 6 month doctor's appt. on Friday. It is seriously depressing. Mr. T. tricks us every time. Last night we went in there because he was crying and he appeared to be entirely asleep. It was a little creepy.

Sleep Notes

What we have tried:

Early bedtimes
Falling asleep on own for naps and bedtime (he does this)

Feed-on-demand
Dream feed
Eliminating feeding (one of three)
Not feeding close to sleep times
Bottle at first feeding of the night (both parents)
Starting solid food
Water
Reducing milk volume at night
Feeding frequently during the day

Controlled crying
Rocking
Comforting in crib
Having father comfort only

White noise
Music
Regulating temperature
Transitional object
Comfortable bedding

Pacifier
Swaddle (tried on and off)

Inclined Crib
Co-sleeping
Prilosec at 10PM


Consistent naps (Three consistent, consolidated naps daily)

Prayer
Magical Thinking
Alcohol (father, not child or mother)
Crying and Cursing


Current Routine (always the same):

6:30pm: Bath
7:00pm: Breastfeed
7:10pm: Story
7:15pm: Put in crib drowsy but awake

When did this happen?

As much as I try to chronicle my baby's milestones things happen so gradually that I seem to miss them until they are either totally gone or fully developed for days or weeks. Obviously they aren't incredible milestones like crawling or sitting up without support but they are important because they mean my baby is growing and developing. I've begun to notice over the past week or so (and who knows how long this has been going on) that my baby understands that when he shakes a rattle it makes noise and he does it on purpose. That is an understanding of cause and effect which can be generalized to so many other areas of life including night time i.e when I cry they come and give me food.

But there are so many other little things that I will never be able to chronicle because it is just my baby opening his senses to the world. For example he loves to have bare feet rub against the stroller, the carpet, anything really. He has learned that sleeping on his side is the most comfortable, that lunging toward Mama with an open mouth and outstretched arms means "I love you" (well at least that is my interpretation. He anticipates my actions and gets excited when I blow raspberries on his tummy. He notices things around him and lunges for them including my cell phone, computer, TV remote, the box on our mantel, and his humidifier.

I really want to chronicle everything but it is hard when you live with a baby everyday to notice these small changes. When I look back at the end of this year I hope I can remember what an amazing transformation it has been.

Mothering Fail

GT asked me if I was going to post this and I guess I have to since it is not my first mothering fail but the first to draw blood. I had T on the dining room table and was showing off how good he can sit up on his own. What a big boy! When he fell forward face first into his bouncy seat and started crying hysterically. I picked him up and looked at him and he looked fine and stopped crying pretty quickly. A few minutes later he was sitting in GT's lap and being pretty happy and that is when I noticed the small trickle of blood coming out of his nose. We wiped up the blood and pressed on his nose and it didn't seem to bother him so I don't think it was really hurt. I felt enormously guilty all night. In fact I convinced myself that he had a concussion even though he hit his nose not his head.

The reason I convinced myself, in all my first mother paranoia, is because T slept. We have been doing Ferber for 5 days and the 4th night was the worst of all. T cried for almost 2 hours and so did I. Last night, however, he went to sleep without a peep and slept through his 10:00 feed all the way to 12:00.I woke up at 11:45 convinced that my baby was A) dead B) passed out from his concussion or the least plausible C) Ferber was beginning to work. Last night was not without some crying but he seemed to be making some progress. We have eliminated the pacifier from T's life almost entirely. It is now for emergency back up situations only and never to go in the crib with him. I know I posted that we were doing this a while back but parenthood is filled with good intentions. Last time when I tried to take the pacifier away at naptime T cried for over an hour and I eventually gave in. This time it was much easier. I think he was more ready to fall asleep on his own.

Also T has found his feet. I took some especially embarrassing pics of him without a diaper on because that is when he is most limber. I'll try to post the PG version here. He also has started to babble a lot more and is putting vowels and consonants together such as baba and dada. I am so proud.

Solids

Another tip the clinic gave us was to start him on solids. I had been waiting because he is my baby and it is hard for me to believe that my baby is old enough to eat solid foods (or semi-solid in the case of baby food). We gave him oatmeal to start with and he seemed to really like it. He thought it tasted interesting and the spoon was especially fun. The first 2-3 days he was really into it and since then hasn't been as interested. We tried green beans last night and he didn't really think that was great. I think we may take a break and try again later. It is supposed to be fun for him and I don't want to force the issue. The spoon continues to be the best part of the whole thing for him. He grabs onto it and shoves it into his mouth with pretty good accuracy.

Sleep, Sleep, Sleep

After a particularly terrible night of sleep a week back I decided it might be time to take action. I had read about the infant colic, sleep, and behavior clinic at Brown University and thought that maybe they had some insight into our sleep problems. My problems with T's sleep are twofold. One he wants to eat at night every 2-3 hours just like in the daytime. With him approaching 15lbs I know he can go a little bit longer. In addition even when he is not hungry he wakes often, sometimes every hour. He can cry for long periods and the only thing that stops him is giving him a pacifier. His sleep problems are especially confusing for me since I have tried everything that the books suggest, except using Ferber. He goes down for all 3 of his naps and bedtime fully awake in his crib and falls asleep on his own. It is wonderful. He knows how to put himself to sleep and has for over a month. I keep asking why he can't put himself back to sleep in the night once he wakes up.
So I called the clinic. They got me an appointment within the week. We went Friday the 5th. They gave us a log to record when he was crying, fussing, eating, or sleeping. We recorded this for 3 days. In the end we found that T still crys and fusses enough to be considered a "colicky baby" and that between the hours of 10pm and 6:30am we were getting up to give him the pacifier or feed him between 8-10times. The longest stretch of sleep we got in a row was 2 hours and that was only maybe once during the night. I felt validated that I truly should be tired. Poor GT, he never gets to even take a nap.
We went back for our second appointment on Monday the 8th. They had some suggestions but seemed as stumped as we were as to why our baby can fall asleep himself but can't put himself back to sleep. They hypothesized that he is getting too much to eat at night and therefore is not eating enough during the day causing a cycle of night hunger. They suggested I shorten my nursing sessions at night to create more hunger during the day. They also suggested that we stop swaddling him so that he can use his fingers for soothing rather then his pacifier. They also suggested starting him on solids to give him some extra calories. We've been trying this plan for three days now. We saw improvement the second night but last night was a dismal failure. He cried and cried and cried last night. Finally at 4:30 I was so tired I gave up and let him nurse as long as he wanted. He slept until 7:00 this morning (late for him) and was ready to go back to bed at 8:00. He is one tired baby. I hope we see some improvement soon. We have another appointment to go back and re-evaluate in 2 weeks. I just want 6 hours in a row please. How do you reason with a 5 month old?

Baby milestones

My baby will be 5 months in less then a week! Along with getting older he is gaining so much in his development. On 3/4 he rolled over from his back to his front. Once he got there however, he was very unhappy and asked to be rolled over again. He can go from his tummy to his back but he finds it hard and would rather if I just did it for him. Some days I will place him on his tummy and let him cry until he figures it out (Please don't call DCYF). He is super active. He will kick his legs into the air and propel himself sideways. He sometimes will do this to get something he wants or just because he feels like moving. Did I mention that my baby loves to move? He is always on the go. I look on at other babies who cuddle quietly with their mothers with envy. My baby cannot sit still. When he is in my arms he wants to stand up, look around, and grab anything that isn't nailed down (and some things that are, especially my hair). He is also really starting to like our story time. He sits quietly, looks at the book, and then tries to stuff it into his mouth. He is starting to reach for things and getting really mad if they are either out of his reach or not for him (like my coffee cup). He is also starting to look for his toys when they fall out of his range of vision and he can be hard to distract. Object permanence here we come. Something I am not looking forward to.
I took a temperament test online that tells you what kind of issues you are likely to have based on your child's temperament. T scored high in almost all categories which means he is reactive, sensitive, active, and slow to adjust. The questionnaire indicated that babies with similar temperaments to his have difficulty in the coming months with sitting still to be changed, dressed, and bathed. They also indicated that he will be a fearless practicer, which means he will stand up over and over again even if he falls every time, that he will constantly test limits, and that he will tease us. This all sounds about right.
When my mother visited us a month ago she told me that she thought T had "locked in baby" syndrome. He really wants his body to move in a specific way but doesn't have enough control to do it yet and it makes him really mad. He constantly looks like he wants to crawl but just doesn't have the muscle coordination to do it. He is starting to be able to sit up with support but would rather be on the floor rolling all over the place. His father, GT, apparently never crawled but rather rolled everywhere he wanted to go. We will see how his son compares.
I think we are starting to have a real baby and not just a bundle of reflexes. Fun baby times ahead.

Is that a dolphin or a baby?

I tried

I tried to post video of T but for some reason it won't load. I wanted to post this website as one of my favorite mom blogs. She loves to take pictures of her daughter and she is hilarious. It also helps that her baby is super duper cute. More pics of T soon.

Love KT

Saturdays

So I began to work one day a week at a local agency. It is nice because it is on Saturdays and therefore I can work without having to pay for childcare since GT is home with TT. People keep asking my if I have a hard time leaving T with others and I always say "no", especially when it is with his Dad.

Yesterday was my first long day. I came home yesterday at 2:00 and T was awake, happy and smiling. He looked like he had a pretty good day so far and I was shocked when GT told me that T had been awake for almost 2 hours. He never lasts that long when I'm home. I left again and came back at 5:00. Usually 5:00 to 6:00 in our house is pretty difficult because T is tired from the day and ready to go to bed for the night. I walked into the house and T was sitting in his bouncy seat and smiling! He and Dad were just hanging out. GT and I started to talk about his day. He said T had taken 3 naps that were 1.5 hours each and when he was awake he was smiling and happy.

I love to see my baby happy. It is what I work for all day long but I never get three 1.5 hour naps, a baby who is happy for 2 hours, or a smiling baby after 5:00 (well almost never). It got me thinking about all the things that I am doing wrong as a mother. How can GT get T to be so happy and well rested? I actually know the answer. He lets him cry. When T starts crying during a nap and it hasn't been 1.5 hours GT leaves him alone for 5 minutes or until he finishes whatever he is doing then he goes and gives him the pacifier and baby falls asleep again. He doesn't fall for it when he gets upstairs and T looks at him and grins and tells him he is done with his nap. He doesn't let T get cranky before he puts him down for a nap and T ends up a happy baby at the end of the day.

When I am home with T, I can't handle listening to him cry. Having GT at home with T has been great because it has given me perspective on what I am doing right and what I am doing wrong. I think that in the case of baby sleep I need to take a lesson from T's Dad. Ditch the mommy guilt and let the baby cry every once a while because in the end what we all want is a smiling baby.

Dear God I can't deal with the cuteness in this house!

Love

Happy Valentines Day T

You are 4 months old today. It has been 4 months since you turned from fetus to human being. We got to celebrate this accomplishment on the day that everyone is reminded to say "I love you" to their closest friends and family. You didn't know the difference but I made sure to eat some chocolate for you today. Your daddy sent flowers and we went out to brunch. Your friends Claire, Ethan, and baby EClaire watched you while we gorged ourselves on smoked salmon and eggs Benedict. You only got to drink milk but when you nurse these days you pull off and grin at me and then get back to business. I love these grins because I know you are enjoying yourself. Keep the love coming. I love you more every day little man.

Love Mama

Birth Story

I wanted to post this before I forgot the details.

My due date was October 5th and I was frustrated and uncomfortable when it came and went with no baby. I started all the induction methods I could think of to get baby to come, including Accupressure. I saw my midwife 2 days after my due date and she told me that my cervix was soft but not yet effaced or dilated. She recommended that I hold off on the castor oil until the next week because she didn't think it would help. She tried to strip my membranes but couldn't due to the position and the lack of dilation in my cervix. I had some spotting afterwards but still no signs of labor. I went to see Karlo Berger the next day for an induction accupressure massage. He told me that my pressure points didn't react the way he thought they should and so he thought it may not work. Indeed I was still pregnant four days later and a week past my due date. I had been set up for post dates testing due to concerns about my aging placenta. The morning of my appointment for post dates I went out with my mother for coffee and had too much and felt dehydrated. Everyone told me that didn't factor into what happened later.

At the office I went in for my NST first. Tristan's heart rate was consistent for 30-40 minutes but at one point had a major drop, of course I wasn't being monitored at that point but was still hooked up to the machine. He was plenty active and they told me everything looked good. I then went to get an ultrasound. The tech turned on the machine and told me that she had to check my fluid levels first. She began to check and got a funny look on her face and said "Oh honey your fluid is way to low. You are going to have to go to the hospital." I was shocked. I think I said something like "Right now?" She said you are going to have to speak to your midwife but you are going to have to deliver that baby today. I was shocked and upset. I called Graham and said go home and get my bags I am going to the hospital. I met with a midwife who told me that they were going to try to ripen my cervix and then induce labor and that I would be admitted to the hospital overnight. She told me to go home and pack my stuff and the hospital would call and tell me when to come in.

I got home at 5:00 and waited for the call. We ate dinner at 6:00 and the hospital called and told me to come in for admission at 7:30. We got to the hospital and checked in and went to a room to stay overnight. I met with a midwife, Lucie, and she told me they were going to try two things to ripen my cervix. First they would insert a foley catheter into my cervix and then inject water into it to expand my cervix. In addition they would insert cervidel to help ripen my cervix. The procedure actually didn't hurt that much and Lucie told me it was the easiest foley that she had ever inserted. I went back to my room ready to get comfortable and stay the night until my induction the next morning. Fifteen minutes later as I was lying in bed talking to my husband and mother my water broke. The nurse came in and took out the foley catheter. She did it while I was standing in the bathroom and I almost passed out. Immediately after that contractions started. They were close together about 2 minutes apart. I hardly got any break. They were strong and intense. I started to try my breathing but was hooked up to a fetal monitor and had trouble finding a comfortable position and had difficulty breathing through it. I got out of bed to go to the bathroom and my contractions intensified. I was having contractions one on top of the other and they hurt. I began to panic and had a breakdown. I decided I really wanted an epidural. Lucie came in about 1 hr after contractions started and said I was 1 cm dilated. I was upset because I didn't think that I could get an epidural and also that it would take a long time. Lucie told me that I had made a lot of progress in the last hour and that was why labor was so intense. It was happening really fast. She got me a room on the LDR and I was sent down and about 1:30am, about 3 hrs after my water broke. I later received an epidural. They had me hooked up to the monitor and found that Tristan's heart rate was taking a big hit every time I had a contraction and he was really stressed. They said I might have to have a C-section. Lucie told me that if I continued to have problems they were going to try a amnio-infusion to replace my low amniotic fluid levels and protect the baby. This actually worked and saved me from a c-section. I was so happy. I really credit Lucie for this and her helping me avoid a procedure she knew I wanted to avoid.

At about 7:30am Lucie checked my and said I was 8-9 cm dialted. I was shocked labor was progressing so quickly, especially since I had an epidural and was lying down the entire time trying to find a position where Tristan's heart rate stayed steady. His heart rate really stabilized after the amnio-infusion but they were concerned about pushing and told me I wasn't out of the woods for a c-section. I thought delivery was close but after this my contractions really slowed down. At about 11 my contractions were still slow and I wasn't really progressing. They decided to add some pitocin to the mix. At this point I had a catheter in my bladder, a catheter in my uterus, an IV, and an epidural. I didn't think I could get any more tubes inside me. They started to pitocin off low and increased it over time. They told me they were going to have me wait to push until the contractions pushed him into the birth canal to +2 station. Another midwife, Nicole, was on call by this point and checked me around 12 and said that my contractions were indicating it was time to push and that his head was low. I began to push, which was difficult because I couldn't feel anything. His heart rate did drop and started to not recover after each contraction. They were concerned and called in the OB on call, Dr. Cavanaugh. They told me they wanted to have an "assisted delivery" which meant forceps or vaccum. I was anxious about tearing so pushed as hard as I could to try to get him out. Dr. Cavanaugh tried to use the vaccum and it broke and popped off his head. It took them a minute to find another one. In the mean time the Dr. began to use the forceps and he was born with one contraction. I had an 2nd degree episiotomy from the forceps but otherwise everything was great and he was healthy and in my arms within minutes of delivery.

4 hours!

T slept in 2 four hour stretches last night. I was shocked! This is the most he has ever slept. He woke up at 9:45, 1:45, and 5:45. I think he woke up one other time but was able to put himself back to sleep. It might have been a fluke but I pray it continues. We have been pretty good about not giving him the pacifier at night. During the day he uses it for naps but is able to put himself to sleep without it at bedtime. Everyone keep their fingers crossed that T keeps it up.

Toys

In 4 months I have bought T one toy and he doesn't even really like it. I guess it is came as a surprise that T wasn't really interested in toys for a really long time. The best toy for the first 3 months was my face. He would look at it, smile, and make baby cooing noises. The best. Around 3 months I gave him a skwish and he liked it because he could accidentally grab it and then put parts of it in his mouth but he still liked to look at my face better and blow raspberries. He especially liked it when I blew some back at him.
(Skwish)

He also loves it when I make farting noises. Who knew that fart jokes were funny from such an early age? For Christmas we received a baby gym where the baby can lie down and have toys suspended above their head. From that gym we hung the Lamaze firefly and the Whoozit.

He loves grabbing these things and putting them in his mouth. I have several other toys but these seem to be the main contenders in our house. Toys are becoming more interesting to T and he is beginning to actively reach for them and try to put them in his mouth. When he is really tired and can't get them there he gets really mad. He loves his firefly because the wings crinkle and he can pull the wings in different directions with his hands which don't move in a coordinated way yet. He also does this with my fingers which is really cute. T has also recently discovered his hands and will occasionally sit and stare at them while he moves them around. I am waiting for him to discover that he has feet. Occasionally he will sit and stare at his socks but he has never reached for a foot. I have heard that this happens around 5 months.

I also know that before long T won't be able to have enough toys so I'm going to enjoy watching him explore his world and be mesmerized by the little things.

In other news my poor kitty Artemis is becoming an old man. He has arthritis in his back and has had a really hard time recently jumping up onto the couch to lie down. He thought it was great when we brought soft baby stuff and put it in on the floor for him to lie on. I was not a big fan however, when he was licking his butt on the same place where my baby's face would be. So I bought him this bed. I know it has a dog bone on it but that's okay, Artemis eats dogs for breakfast. Pazzo on the other hand has discovered that a warm radiator in the sun (on top of T's cloth diapers.... sigh.....you never win) is a great place to be.

Success!!

T rolled over yesterday for the first time from his tummy to his back. I didn't even have to push him (I swear I didn't even give him a little nudge). T hates tummy time so I am hoping he will continue to roll over so I don't have to torture him anymore. Rolling over is the first of many physical accomplishments he will reach this year. It marks his beginning from floppy newborn to real baby. T will be 4 months old in a week which seems crazy to me. It has been both the longest 4 months and the shortest.
T has been an amazing addition to our family and life seems much more complete with him in it. It seems that over the last 4 months my heart has grown to a place that I didn't know existed. When T was first placed on my chest in the delivery room it was an overwhelming feeling. I felt fear, excitement, exhaustion, and wonder but I didn't even know T at that point. I loved T from that minute my but my love has increased ten fold from that time. For the first month or so it still felt like T was connected to me by some invisible umbilical cord. I had grown him inside of my body and now I was growing him outside. As he has become a more independent person I started to fall in love with his unique personality (and T is unique). Every day he shows me a little more of the person he will become which is great although I have a feeling he is going to be one opinionated little person. Being a mother to T is both the most rewarding and the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. When T wouldn't stop crying and I would find myself getting angry it was a scary and out of control feeling but when T stops what he is doing because he hears my voice and he looks at me and smiles my heart melts.
(need I say more!)
I can't wait to see the little person that T becomes over the next few months but he will always be my baby!

Mouse in the house and sleep

So my ever fearless cat Pazzo sat and stared at the radiator cover all morning. I knew something was up but tried to ignore it and hoped it would go away. He continued to stare until I could no longer ignore the obvious. There was something under my radiator. I lifted the cover and as I suspected there was a tiny field mouse. I got all girly and shrieked a few times and then tried to figure out how I was going to catch the icky thing and dispose of it. The easiest thing to do in this situation is to just let Pazzo have some fun and he is good at it. That is what you get for picking up a cat from the mean streets of NYC. Poor Artemis wouldn't be able to catch a dead mouse because he had a cushy life in a nice home in Alabama. He does sometime pretend to be tough but usually this involves knocking the trashcan over to get some discarded meat. Unfortunately for me mice are quick and small and it soon became a game of run under this couch, now back to the radiator and under the loveseat, although Pazzo was enjoying the entertainment. He even took a few breaks in the action much to my dismay. I ended up turning the couches over, after taking the cushions off, removing both radiator covers, and getting a broom. I don't have pictures of the aftermath of this project but it was a mess. On the plus side I got to clean all the dust and kitty hair out from under my couches, which I have been meaning to do for months. Clever kitty, Pazzo, did eventually get the mouse and ran away to play around with it. I followed him got a bag, scooped it up and threw it away. Poor Pazzo wasn't even able to partially eat it. Mean while T is yelling at me and asking why he is being ignored and put in a corner. I told T that he would have to wait I was giving love to my other son. I am so proud of my kitty. This is the second time he has caught a mouse for us. Turns out he is cute and cunning.

Here is a dramatization of the action
(not a real mouse)

In other news T's Mom has decided enough is enough with these sleep shenanigans. T was a fussy newborn and we eventually found that to get him to stop crying we could use a pacifier. It worked great and he began to cry less and less. I remember my sister saying something along the lines of him using it for sleep and I told her that "Oh T doesn't use it for sleeping he only uses it when he is cranky" Ha, that my friends is the new mother talking. Another famous new mother line is "Oh my 1 day old baby hardly ever cries and he sleeps great!" Ha ha ha. I think I may have actually said that to. Well T has become extremely dependent on his pacifier. He will cry and cry when going down for sleep and then when you stick the pacifier in his mouth his eyes roll up into his head and he is asleep within minutes. It is quite funny however I am beginning to think that this dependence on the pacifier for sleep is not helping our nighttime sleep situation. Today we tried cold turkey. T cried hysterically for 1/2 an hour then I let him nurse and he calmed down and went to sleep. His next nap he only cried for 5 minutes. and his last nap there was no crying. Hopefully this is the beginning of the end of getting up all night to replace the plug. Wish me luck.

Start blogging

I've been inspired recently to start a blog both to keep people up with little T, keep a record of his first year of life, and branch out into the RI mom community. I love reading others blogs and hope to start one that others will find entertaining and informative. I have also decided that if I write down my intentions publicly it will keep me on track to complete projects. One idea I had while I was pregnant and thinking that I would be going back to work full time was coming up with a website to help RI parents navigate the system of home daycares and nannys. There doesn't seem to be a comprehensive website where people can list their favorite home daycare and list the reasons they find that particular situation to work for them. I was against center based daycare initially because I thought that a) my little baby didn't need a classroom setting because all he does is eat and sleep and b) it seemed in-personal. I am not sure that I still believe that home based daycare is best for little T but it would probably be my first option if I were to go back to work full time. I was thinking about contacting home day care providers and finding out their childcare philosophies because ultimately I need a childcare provider who believes in the same things I do. My idea was to then post this information on a website that others could view and/or post opinions and comments about their experience with that daycare.

Now that I am a mother I find that my community of friends in RI has increased exponentially and I am excited to be a member of this community of intelligent and caring women. I am also super excited that several of my closest RI friends are joining me in mommyhood. T will have plenty of friends for future playdates.

T is currently 3 months old. He goes for his 4 month check-up with the doctor next Wednesday. It is hard to believe that he hasn't gotten so big so fast. Every day he becomes more fun and as his ability to communicate increases his crying has decreased. Although he still has his days i.e yesterday. Fun things that we do include tummy time, playing with his Lamaze bug, reading stories, blowing raspberries at each other, and communicating in baby talk. In fact I talk so much baby talk i.e goo, ga, bah, thhhh, that I no longer realize I am doing it in public until I get weird looks from check-out clerks and other shoppers. T and I don't have an exact day or night schedule yet but are working on it. A typical day looks like this.

7:00AM- T wakes up and doesn't want to go back to sleep. I do of course so Graham (lovely husband) gets up to get ready for work and takes T into the bathroom where T sits in his bouncy seat and coos at his fish. I sleep.

7:50- Graham goes to work and I get up, have baby conversations with T, make coffee, and eat breakfast, feed T.

8:30-9:00- T starts his morning nap. I either nap with him or fool around on the internet.

10:00ish- T wakes up from his nap, eats, then plays with his mama or in his baby gym

11:30- T gets tired and goes down for his next nap. I do stuff around the house.

12:30-1:00- T wakes up from his nap, eats, then some quiet playing and reading books. T currently loves to play with his Whoozit and puts everything in his mouth. He drools like a faucet and spits up often.

2:30-3:00- Time for his last nap. I work on answering e-mails and getting stuff done.

4:00-4:30- T wakes up, eats, and is usually still tired. It takes quite a bit of effort to keep him happy after this.

5:45- Graham gets home. Yay! He plays with T and we make dinner.

6:00- Bath time

6:30-Eat and Bedtime

Night time schedule is too painful to post. Someday we will sleep again just not yet. I am sure this is payback for something I did in a previous life. My baby books don't help when they announce "80% of babies are sleeping in 5-6 hour stretches at this age." We are in the 20%! Hooray! Someday I will forget this but it is currently exhausting.

So my intention is to work on the website idea and keep people informed of T's life. There now that it is in writing hopefully it will keep me motivated.

Love to you all!

Oh and one of my favorite things about blogs are the pictures so here are some of T